Everyone of us gets these chain e-mails once in a while. Some of them are funny, some irritating and some have that special knowledge that we want to share with others. I got the e-mail titled TIPS FOR BETTER LIFE and used the asterixes to answer it.
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1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
***** Especially when a patrolling cop is pulling out the taser for no bloody reason.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
***** And watch FN news ticker at the bottom of your magical plasma black box. In the time of financial crisis this will finally calm you down and will take your breath away for exactly 10 minuts.
3. Sleep for 7 hours.
***** If your neighbour’s barking dog doesn’t wake you up at 5 AM
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
***** Some say 3 L’s – live, love, laugh
5. Play more games.
***** Chess is always good…, it has a lot of meditation but how about the “stony face” social game – any takers?
6. Read more books than you did in 2008.
***** is “Italian war heroes” considered a book? If it is, I’ve passed the first step already and am happy for my 2008.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
*****… especially when you make your way thru the rat’s race on a busy (looking like a parking lot) highway early in the morning.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
***** prepare to yell – to older folks because they can’t hear, to younger brats because they can yell louder than you.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
***** … and then go and buy a few coupons for 6/49 draw
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
***** remember that the Cubans make good on sugar cane and the Africans are really good at growing bananas.
11. Drink plenty of water.
***** Evian, Canadian Spring, Aquafina and other kinds – they are all distilled waters, the genuine one is in beer.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
***** a cop, your financial adviser and Leonard Cohen
13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
***** don’t forget that the Hollywood people are ever present on Oprah, ET or Dancing with stars and you love these, don't you?
14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness
***** tell your ex- how much you love her/him and remember that their fuckups made you a really happy and better person.
15. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
***** Forget NWO, G-7, G-20, the Trilateral Commission and the Bilderberg Group - you can't really control them. But remember that the Iranian and Israeli nuclear physicists invest their time and energy for brighter future too.
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class - but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
***** the problems in life are like skipping classes at school – the more you skip the more problems in life you (will) have and algebra will show the signs of discontinuity.
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17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
***** tell the first part to the people in Africa and the last one to the people in North America and Europe.
18. Smile and laugh more.
***** but remember, the cosmetic surgeons are waiting to iron your wrinkles you will acquire while laughing
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
***** Love all those happy blue-and-white toy-soldiers playing with real bullets with Palestinian kids.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
***** remember George W. Bush? – he set a perfect example, follow him!, ALWAYS!
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
***** But Johnnie Cochran did it for OJ Simpson – how could this have been possible?
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
***** Forget the future and concentrate on the present, some people say that “living in the NOW” is what it counts, so does another "holiness", Dalai Lama.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.
***** instead, let the CEOs and other bankers compare their life to yours, maybe they will learn something special from you and you will finaly start walking in their shoes. Share this idea with them and wish yourself good luck!
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
***** … so don’t worry, be happy... (Bobby McFerrin).
25. Forgive everyone for everything.
***** Forgive George Orwell for his theoretic ideas and Zbigniew Brzezinski for the near future practice.
26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
***** … but sometimes I want to know what the Revenue Canada think when they see my papers after April 30th.
27. GOD heals everything.
***** announce this fantastically bright revelation to all those who die of cancer,…, any cancer, anywhere in the world! This revelation will help people understand the true nature of God much better so they can die peacefully without asking any more stupid questions.
28. However good or bad a situation is - it will change.
***** Murphy’s law says – whatever is going to go wrong, it always will.
29. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
***** Start getting together with your friends in the bar more than working with them
30. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
***** garage sale events are the ones that are designed just for getting rid of unnecessary things.
31. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
***** Ask the average Palestinians if they have free access to fresh water, shelter and if they can have a spare pair of shoes once in a while.
32. The best is yet to come.
***** That’s why I am still reading it, until the end, to find out what’s best for me.
33. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
***** middle finger to slow drivers in a fast lane too???
34. Do the right thing!
***** well, I am writing the comments to this e-mail and take nothing for granted. How about you? - say NO to drugs and be politically correct, pay taxes and die unless Bruce Willis saves you. Oh, save the Earth and use the sunblock too.
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35. Call your family often.
***** remember, however, that your call “is monitored for security reasons” so don’t sound unsecured for your family.
36. Your inner most self is always happy. So be happy.
***** a healthy puff of grass will help you realize your state of ultimate happiness.
37. Each day give something good to others.
***** spend another quarter of a dollar to those very poor folks in Vatican who work REALLY hard to make your brighter future after you die.
38. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
***** Don’t speed, don’t drink, don’t overwork yourself, don’t make too much money and don’t have sex too much…, you know your limits already, don’t you? Oh yeah, I knew it!
39. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
***** … and then go and watch the 1st part of “Zeitgeist”
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about.
***** That’s why I want to share it with you hoping that you will add some of your comments. Thanks a lot!